Aidan and Gideon’s Arrival

It was June 26, 2017, when Dr. Schindler told me to head to the hospital for an induction. (I was 35 weeks and 6 days pregnant at the time.) Her words set in motion an excited fury of packing, babysitter arranging, and nervous chatting. Spencer and I sat in the hospital parking lot munching on McDonalds and discussing how strange this all was. We were about to begin the labor process after weeks of attempting to hold it off. It all felt so surreal.

Although we checked into the hospital around 11:30am, the induction process didn’t get fully underway until around 4:30pm. Before the Pitocin was turned on, I received IV antibiotics for Strep B and the anesthesiologist placed an epidural just in case Gideon had to be manually removed.

I’ve always heard that Pitocin is a nightmare drug, but honestly it wasn’t that bad. The contractions came hard and strong, but even with the epidural turned all the way down they still weren’t as bad as my back labor with Renee. I was able to talk with all of our family that came to visit and I even kept people updated on Facebook.

Everything changed once my water was broken though. Around 9pm Dr. Schindler broke Aidan’s water. Instantly, the pelvic pressure and contractions got intense. I asked the nurse for some stronger medicine and she sent the anesthesiologist back in to give me a spinal. Let me tell you, that was a miracle drug. I was instantly numb from the neck down. With that in my system all we had to do was wait. I was already measuring 8 cms so we knew the end was in sight.

Around 1:30am Dr. Schindler returned to check me. Much to our surprise I was already dilated to a 10, and Aidan’s head was almost crowning! The room instantly got chaotic. Two NICU teams rushed in, lots of nurses, and some techs. I barely had to push for Aidan to pop out. When they laid him on my belly, I instantly felt pure love. I had never seen a baby so tiny. I carefully ran my fingers through his hair and whispered lovingly to him. It killed me when the nurses came and whisked him away to the warmer.

As the NICU team looked over Aidan, I could see that something was wrong. Suctioning noises could be heard and my husband’s face looked concerned. One of the nurses kept saying that he was fine, but I didn’t believe her. The doctor told me to focus on pushing out Gideon, but how was I supposed to do that when one of my children was struggling for breath?

With all the willpower I could muster, I pushed. Since Gideon was the bigger baby, it was more of a process. Dr. Schindler had to reach up into my uterus and pull him out. Thankfully, I didn’t feel much of that due to the spinal. He must have looked very blue, because they barely let me touch his head before carrying him away too.

After a few minutes of attempting to stabilize both babies, they were rolled away to the NICU, with my husband following behind. I laid in the bed without my family,  bleeding and heartbroken. This wasn’t the way I imagined their birth going…

Thankfully, Aidan would return to us within an hour. He instantly latched onto my breast and my Mama instincts took over. Gideon on the other hand, would be battling a lung infection for four days in the NICU.

I’m still trying to process all that happened that day… I will tell you this though, twin pregnancy is the most difficult, but most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. I wish my boys had a better entrance into the world, but I am thankful that they are both here and healthy now. Things could have been a lot worse.

Our Pascha in Photos

This was our family’s third Pascha since converting to Orthodoxy. The Lord has blessed us with three years of spiritual growth and beautiful memories. Pascha is now my favorite holiday of the year, and I am doing my best to instill that love in my children as well! This year our festivities included daily Holy Week services, the Paschal Vigil, 2 egg hunts, a HUGE feast, and of course dyeing eggs. We had a blast and are now all in recovery mode.

I wanted to share a few pictures of our celebration with you!

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Emptiness

Good Friday is upon us and my soul is filled with sadness. Perhaps it is the extra hormones rushing through my pregnant body, but I can’t stop thinking of how Mary must have felt as she watched her Son go limp on the cross… The same hands she held were pierced with nails. The same baby toes she was overwhelmed with the desire to kiss, were now stained with blood. She must have felt so empty…

Tonight my soul longs for Pascha. My heart misses the bells on the censor and the decorated altar. I want to proclaim “Christ is Risen from the dead,” but for now the house is quiet.

Crickets are chirping in the darkness outside.

An ambulance is parked in front of our neighbors house.

An amber alert for two children was announced on the radio.

Tonight the world mourns…

“O my people, what have I done to you? How have I offended you? Answer me!

I gave you a royal sceptre, but you gave me a crown of thorns.

I raised you to the height of majesty, but you have raised me high on a cross.”

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When God Made You

I recently purchased a children’s book titled, “When God Made You” by Jane G. Meyer. The book showcases children from around the world, and poetically describes what God was thinking as He created them. The illustrations are stunning and the message of the book is uplifting. It will make a perfect addition to my girls’ Pascha baskets.17797297_771529353011470_2120100665_o

Inspired by the story, I decided to write up little descriptions that define what God was thinking as He made my girls. My attempts aren’t quite as eloquent as the original author, but I think they fit my girls perfectly.

When God made Renee, He plucked a dandelion from the earth, sprinkled glitter on top of it, gently wrapped it in a bright colored package, and refined it in fire. He blindfolded the beautiful little soul He had just created and with a laugh He revealed His surprise and said, Renee, PLAY.

When God made Nora, He mixed giggles, smiles, and snuggles in a large sandbox. He added a few sprinkles of spunk and a pinch of a apple seeds. He poured the blend into a heart shaped mold and said, Nora, LOVE.

 

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“I’m Booored…”

As a Stay at Home Mom, I find it hard to balance the amount of time I spend engaging with my children and the time I spend doing adult things. I don’t know why, but I feel responsible for keeping my children entertained and ensuring that they don’t get bored. Some nights I end the day wondering if I neglected my children.


Did I spend too much time cleaning, cooking, and reading?

Should I have added more structured activities and sensory play into the schedule?

Are my kids going to look back on their childhood fondly?

 

Do you ever wonder if our parents and grandparents felt this way? I don’t think they did… As a child I don’t remember any structured activities. I remember playing outside in the dirt and making secret clubhouses in the woods behind our house. My neighbor friend and I used to imagine our own secret worlds. The smell of fresh cut grass and rain on warm asphalt takes me back to those days.

 

When I reflect on my own childhood, I begin to wonder if I am actually doing my children a disservice. Using flashcards, educational television, and sensory activities can rob children of learning how to manage their own time… Structured play can squash creativity. I could go on and on.

 

I am going to make a commitment to myself. I am going to start limiting TV, electronics, and structured educational activities. Instead, I am going to encourage my children to play outside and explore the world. Why not let them perform a musical or make their own paper dolls? They don’t need a bowl of rice to dig through when they have a flowerbed of earthworms to uncover.

 
Above all else, I am going to give up that nagging feeling that I am not doing enough for my kids. I cook them three homemade meals a day, I wash their clothes, and I clean the house. I spend about an hour reading bedtime stories and tucking them in at night. I’m doing just fine and I bet you are too.

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For the Love of the Lord

 

Spencer and I just returned from a relaxing weekend at the Hermitage of the Holy Cross. After spending a few days immersed in deep conversations and heavenly worship, I am having a hard time getting back into my regular routine.

While at the monastery, I confessed giving into my depression and slacking off with my household duties. Now here I sit faced with a choice. I can strive towards a life of repentance and dive right into my chores without complaining, or I can veg out on the couch and waste away my time on social media sites. To some this might seem like a trivial matter, but I know that my decision could very well put me one step closer to heaven or hell.

There is a list of chores sitting on my kitchen counter. Today the list calls for dusting, washing the bed sheets, and vacuuming. In reality, I could put off these chores until my husband is home and can help. Things would certainly get done faster… Or I could offer up my work to my family and the Lord as an act of love.

As I dust the shelves I quietly pray, “I do this for the love of the Lord.” As I vacuum up pretzels I repeat, “For the love of the Lord and my children.” As I spread crisp sheets on the bed my whole being chants, “For the love of the Lord and my marriage.”

These are such small acts. I don’t expect anyone to notice that I have dusted the living room and bedrooms. Even if they do notice, I doubt they would care very much. But in my heart I know that the Savior sees my hard work and I pray that He is pleased with me.

Today I choose to take one step closer to heaven.
“For the love of the Lord.”

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Five Minute Friday: Purpose

A few days ago, I sent in the paperwork to receive a “Religious Exemption” from Public Schooling for my daughter Renee. After a lot of thought, research, and prayer this seemed like the best option for our family. The decision to homeschool has been an emotional journey. Somedays I feel overwhelmed about the tasks that lie ahead, but most days I am extremely excited.

You might be wondering, like the majority of my extended family, what my purpose for homeschooling is. After all, wouldn’t it be easier to send my kids away during the day, and catch up on chores or enjoy a little “me time”? Wouldn’t my children benefit from the socialization?

Those are all tempting ideas to consider, but I am sticking to my convictions…

My purpose in homeschooling is immersing my children in the Orthodox Christian culture. The flexibility of homeschooling gives us the freedom to attend more weekly Church services and allows me to integrate the faith into every aspect of their lives.

I want to encourage strong family relationships, create lifelong learners, and make memories.

To sum it all up…

Our Homeschool Mission Statement:

The Judd Family homeschool seeks to build strong family bonds and develop godly character by immersing our children into the Orthodox culture, fostering a love for lifelong learning, and making lasting memories throughout it all. Our ultimate goal is spiritual maturity and academic success.

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